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Ridiculousness

Well hello, how are you? Starting next week I will be a creative consultant on Ridiculousness(MTV). The people on the staff are incredibly funny and nice, I'm so thrilled. I spent a little over a year in LA before this; sleeping on couches, in my car, and occasionally my own place when I could afford it. Although my own place was quite awful as I was living with an elderly jewish man in his deceased child's room. I was so used to previously earning my money through road comedy that I would give horrible interviews for day jobs. When you really know what it is you want to do, it's hard to fake enthusiasm for other things. Not only is this new job welcome for the great opportunity it is, but also because I will finally not be living hand to mouth for the first time in my adult life. It's really a new experience. I went to best buy the other day and bought Arkham Asylum and had a moment of realization that I could actually afford this, I didn't have to worry or just look at the thing as I usually do and leave. I was truly grateful. 

Stand up is fun still. My new worry in stand up is that the people I love in stand up are geniuses. True geniuses to the craft in the same way Twain would be thought of for writing and racism. So, the knowledge that people out there can break out of conventions, be completely unique and incredibly thoughtful while amassing a fan base, well it's a mixture of frightening, daunting, and inspiring. Who are these people? 

Well let's see...

Stewart Lee

Tim Minchin

Rory Scovel

Paul F. Tompkins

Aparna Nancherla

Bill Burr

Maria Bamford

Todd Glass

Patton Oswalt

Andy Kindler

The list goes on. Usually when I see these people I mutter "I quit" and leave the room very angrily. 

Christian Lady

DISCLAIMER: If  you are sensitive to the issue of religion and consider yourself christian you might be offended by what I've written. It's never my intention to offend someone, so by all means skip what is written if you think you'd be insulted. It's just me sharing an experience I had recently at a show. Not super funny. Really, don't worry about it.

A couple nights ago I did a show and incurred the wrath of a drunk woman. What sets this apart is the content of her disagreement with me. I very rarely talk about religion on rural Virginia's stages. Usually silence is the reaction, and I prefer to just have as solid a show as possible. I honestly love talking about religion and writing jokes about the areas I think most people can find really blatant hypocrisy. I never say it's dumb to have faith in your life, and I mostly keep the framing of the joking to stuff that is personal to me, therefore less refutable. Anyway, disclaimers aside, I had been having a string of really good shows. Lots of improving, less precise set lists, and just trying to be freer on stage. The show in question went really well. I did a lot of political jokes in a highly republican area and they completely understood the jokes and really enjoyed it, which surprised me (I have to stop being so pre-judgemental of the south). On a whim I went into some material about being raised catholic, my dislike of it, and my current atheism. A person went "nooo" very meekly in the back while I was speaking, I almost thought I imagined it, so I just carried on. Again, the audience got it, it went very well and I was genuinely surprised.

After the show in the lobby, a woman came up to me completely shitfaced. She said "I just wanted to say I really enjoyed the show, EXCEPT for the religious stuff. You should be ashamed." I want to specify here that while my act is not all this, that night it contained heavy swearing, multiple sexual jokes with an emphasis on the societal benefits of pornography, defense of gay rights, and the dissemination of republican beliefs (Hey, and sometimes my act is just jokes about being in a relationship. I just choose whatever I want to do that night and the audience will likely want to hear). So, for her to essentially say "All that other stuff good, religious stuff how dare you" I  was quick to laugh audibly. She stood there for a second of silence after my blurted laughing. I then said "Who?", I meant to say "What do you mean?" but was kind of thrown for a loop by the whole thing. I then said "Wait, what do you mean? I mean what part exactly?". She said "The whole being an atheist thing". It was then I thought for a second and realized she didn't really have a leg to stand on, my whole atheist joke is about how much it sucks to be an atheist and what parts of religion I miss. Regardless of area of material, it was framed as my experience, not an advocation for atheism. I told her this and she said she was offended that I seemed proud to be an atheist. I SHIT YOU NOT. I have never had such a ridiculous complaint in all my life, and I treated it as such, but what bothered me is she was in no way jokey about it. In her mind my atheism had seriously fucked with her life. Then she did the all too familiar complete patronization, complete with eyeroll on my behalf, and explained "The bible is a personal relationship with god. I guess you just don't understand". My blood got up a little. I begged her to explain a little more, telling her I have read the bible or rather how I was raised catholic so I had the privilege of being read the bible and TOLD how to interpret it. I asked her what "the bible is a personal relationship with god" really means to her. She explained that it means you can't really refute the bible because it's written by people who have had personal relationships with god. Not what I was expecting. I thought she meant the bible is a personal relationship with her, and you can't refute that. Nope. I wanted to end it as firmly as I could at this point, other people were milling around close by wanting to say hi after the show, and wasting my time on her would have been fun but emotionally draining. I said, as quickly as I could for added impact "Yes, multiple accounts, some contradicting each other, written 300 years after the death of christ passed on through word of mouth. Then changed between aramaic, hebrew, and latin, then into english, THEN  changed into modern english, sections changed based on the whims of monarchs and priests. And let me guess you are reading the King James Version of the bible? Well that's his version, it's on the cover. Yes, how could I not believe in the literal word of that book written 2,000 years ago by fucking cavemen. But I guess you could say that god divinely influenced all of the transfers right? So it kept his message intact? OR more likely, it's NOT. I mean why would god go through such great lengths to do that? How can you possibly believe in a god that would manipulate so many factors to make a book but fails to help starving children."  She then looked very sad and said 'Read Galatians 5:1" and walked off. And I angrily shouted "Read Dawkins! Any of it really, I don't care."

THAT is why I tend to not do religious material in rural Virginia. My suggestion to you is to not bring your religion into my comedy show and I won't bring my comedy into your church. That's actually a good suggestion for Improv Everywhere, you guys need to surprise a church. Have some balls. The fact is I love religion and mythology, and I read books about it constantly, do not try to slam me with a logical fallacy because I will rip you to mother fucking shreds. Feel free to talk to me about religion, I love it, but don't tell me I'm a bad person as the start to your argument. I think you will perceive everything I say as duplicitous after that harsh judgement. Judge not lest ye be judged. Oh, in closing here is what passage she recommended to me. 

KING JAMES- "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage."

I assumed she meant King James, but here are some other bible's version of Galatians 5:1 

NEW LIVING BIBLE- "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

DOUAY-RHEIMES BIBLE- "Stand fast, and be not held again under the yoke of bondage."

As well as about six other translations never repeating the same order of words. And none of them pertaining to what the woman and I were talking about. Unless she means "slavery" and "bondage" like "sin. In which case,  fuck you asshole.

SXSW

Spending time away from Los Angeles is always weird for me. Every time I go away for a little while, people seem to have assumed I quit comedy *Footnote. if I ever quit comedy it will be in a glorious suicide/bit I have worked out for onstage*End Footnote. The reality is I'm only away to do comedy related things and this time it brought me to lovable, huggable Austin Texas to perform at SXSW. The trip became even longer due to unforseen circumstances but I was able to grab some great stage time out there. LA really makes you forget that there are audiences in other parts of america that would gladly pay money, and a two drink minimum and pack a full room for just an OPEN MIC. Every set out there was so much fun, it only made  the knowledge of my return flight that much more cruel, like flirting with a eunuch. The weird thing about Austin is the ever-present hatred of hipsters by hipsters themselves. Do you buy your clothes at Target? No? Then most of middle america would view you as a hipster. Do you hate Coldplay? Yes? Then most of middle america would view you as a hipster. Festivals are always weird for me, the shows are always great but I hate the social politics of dealing with more established comedians. I would never name names but it seems to be a running theme at festivals that I feel like a piece of shit at the end. My friend Bryson Turner and I decided at the end of this whole festival that if we had just devoted our nights to having fun with each other and not worrying about impressing more established comics with our sets, we would have kept our sanity easier. I guess I understand, I probably am curt with an extra new comic every now and then, and I figure it's just a progressing line; with experience you feel less associated with the younger age group. And that would be why Bill Cosby has the right to be a dick to everyone, but especially Rudy. Still, a little kindness would have gone a long way, like how I'm treated at my local Target when I'm buying my new Coldplay CD. I hope I can take my experiences, learn from them, and try and put myself in other people's shoes. Also, I should say, before I left Austin I got to see another comedian friend of mine, Nick Mullen. He may be the most nonchalantly funny person I know. It seems like DC had this amazing influx of comedians when I was there, and it's so weird that we all live in different cities now. I used to think they were all way funnier and better people, and that perception hasn't changed. 

Hello, it's me at Comedy Death Ray

Hampton Yount at Comedy Death Ray from Hampton Yount on Vimeo.